peace in the pieces….

Gaps and holes and disconnects,
unsurfed boards and unswung bats,
undanced proms and unmade calls,
unraveled plans and unheard songs,
unwritten stories and unread signs
unreceived messages and unsipped wine,
unanswered prayers and unrealized dreams
my soul puzzles over pieces
unfit and unseen.

still repairs to make and spaces to fill,
ugly scars that I want to conceal,
unrestored relationships and unhit marks
more effort to give and more work
to try harder…….

But
the timer buzzes
the earth lurches and turns
jostling and jolting the puzzle of our lives
the————-
– —-pieces
————go
——–flying
(waaaaaah!)
no—-no—–no—–not yet
I still need to FIX this.

My soul jumps to quickly grab the pieces,
shaky hands darting to replace and smooth them
to fit the dream inside my head.
My eyes grow tired with the strain.

Oh God,  this feels so contrived.
I can’t photoshop this.
What do I do with this snaggletooth puzzle
now?

From my heart I see a wooden box
etched with our faces,  flowers,  feathers,  stones and shells,
a fitting frame for this passing season of our lives,
all of us together
growing and stretching and becoming
in all of it’s messy beauty.

I gingerly scoop  the bobbled bits
with the crook of my arm
and brush them gently inside,
tenderly pressing down the lid
with a kiss
for what it was.

It’s okay,  my soul.
Even with the broken and missing bits,
it was good
…..so,  so good.
I honor this.

Cucumber freshness rests over the eyes of my heart
as I place the memorial on the mantle of my life
and light a candle in the dusk of the setting season
and open wide to the new,
to the now,
to the next step to be taken.

“Some hang on to used to be
live their lives looking behind.
All we have is here and now
All our lives out there to find.
The road is long;  there are mountains in our way
but we climb a step everyday.”
(Joe Cocker)
(played at our wedding 28 years ago this week….28 years one step at a time)

(big tender thanks for all of the loving kindness you left on my blog’s last post;  I was unable to respond at the time
but want you to know that my heart felt the balm of your gentle words
and felt so, so much less alone in my sadness.
Thanks for the comfort of your presence;
I appreciate each of you deeply.)