Living loved or driven…..

I wrangled out a post yesterday,
pushed it through the sieve of some sleepless hours
and tried to coax some juice to share.
Because it was time and I wanted to find the lovely
and serve it to you here.

Then I dumped it in the trash
because it felt forced,
driving me,  and then I felt them like a song,
the words I scrawled on the console of my old work truck
in red lipstick,
wrote them down bold so that maybe my heart would hear it stronger
in the wounded place where I sometimes go bloody
in the heat of a small day.


Because sometimes my hungry places want to carve it somewhere big
“I am here”
“I matter”
“Do you see me now?”
As if only something beautiful or important enough
might repair the holes I hide.

Like the lipstick on my console,
I’ve decided to just leave them to the light.
Let the guy at the garage scratch his head and puzzle:)
Lay my unloved places bare
so that Love can find and heal and fill them there.

It’s risky business,  leaving yourself open to love.
But I’d rather live loved than driven.

The words scrawled in red lipstick across my gimpy parts:

“You don’t need to justify your existence.”

– Don Miguel Ruiz

(big glad honest sigh)

I’ll be sending out a package of handwritten love to Lisa Moreland this week.
Gonna plunk names into a hat again this week to draw for
another little personal love bomb
from my heart to yours.
Thanks for coming around:)


Only love can make it rain….

Standing in this cathedral of wind and wild things,
feet planted easy in a field that sings your name,
I cheer and then go quiet because it’s right inside
that I feel your heartbeat thump with mine
and I don’t need to hurl words high to be heard;
when I’m still I feel your sound
like a low,  healing bell
and again I fall soft into the quiet of your love.

2015-06-10 19.17.08
And even when dear ones seem to be sinking
and I must let go and trust them to stronger hands than mine,
when debt squeezes tight and I can’t slip free the coils
and the pain finds it’s way into my body and thunders hard,
there is a freedom, still,  so fierce and untiring
that it won’t be worn down.
It lifts and buoys and breathes back the air
that the crazy can suck right out,
breathes it back into me with every sip of truth
so I can go on and live big anyway

and we can,  you know,  stand even here loved and safe and cared for so big
that the pain can’t steal it away,
this love that doesn’t quit or condemn or withdraw or manipulate;
just leans in open,  with a holy grin,
and so we,  too,  can live big and open and grateful and true
in a powerful peace that keeps pouring down wholeness
on every place where we let go and let dance in the rain.

“Only love can make it rain
the way the beach is kissed by the sea
only love can make it rain
like the sweat of lovers layin’ in the fields

Love,  reign o’er me,
Love,  reign o’er me,
Rain on me,  rain on me.”
-Pete Townshend

I so wish I could send a zine to each of you beautiful people
but I drew 5 names and am oh so happy to be gifting one to
Sandra Ludwig, Kathy of Paper Pumpkin,  Julia at Of Petals and Wool,
Elephant Child and Brenda Thebeau.
I’ll try and send you messages to say.  Much love all around.