Seeing stars…

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“I’m seeing stars,”  I told her when she asked how I was doing
because I’ve felt it to my bones,
this sense of getting my lights punched out,
like the old cartoon quips,  “Ka – pow!”
– circumstances seem to be pummeling so hard
I find myself flinching when the phone rings.

I want to rush the pain,
to charge it like a provoked mama elephant
and silence the sounds mocking my joy,
voices that seemed to say
this is as far as you can go
with your silly, happy songs and all that
life-is-beautiful crap;
watch what happens if your cup shatters
and all the peace drains out
(biff….bam!…..bop!)
and you stay down because you have no right
to that kind of  joy.”

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Yeah,  that’s how it feels sometimes,
doesn’t it.

But I’ve chased the beauty anyway
and watched the horizon as the sun drops down into darkness
with a heave of light
and bubbles of brilliance hang soft in the after air
and I’m seeing stars in this,  too,
and how they dazzle and dance and do their magic
over tired places in my heart

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and somehow it opens  me wider,
watching all  these shiny whispers
as they drift and sizzle soft and hopeful,
calling,  always calling,
that it’s an even larger joy we’re meant for
than I’ve tasted so far,
so keep plowing and planting
and tending and caring for
this tender joy
as if it’s the last crop I was born to grow.

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 “Sadness is easier because it’s surrender.
I say make time to dance alone with one hand
waving free.”
-from Elizabethtown