Waylaid wings…..

Graduation time again.
Somehow this season makes the pavement of my life
go jagged
and I stub the toes of my heart
and gimp into summer
feeling the awful drag of it on my soul.
Each year I watch and cheer
for bright-eyed young graduates,
giddy with hope over their new wings
and I feel the painful mixture of joy over their go-for-launch-ness
and a searing naked shame over the torn parts of me
where my own wings should flutter.
Yes,  I graduated from high school
and even college
but not with wings.
I fled my high school years,
darting away quickly without a word
or backward glance
and drove east to the sea
hoping to soak in some saltwater peace
instead of the lonely fears
that met me even there,
the weight of thick, dark shame
still heavy on my neck and back.
More than thirty years have passed
….years drenched in grace
and a fresh thirst for flight has blossomed inside
(the yearning stirred even more by watching all of you
with your pretty gossamer wings!).
As this week crashed over me,
I remembered where I left them.
I remembered.
And so I went back to my unfinished business,
back to her,
that frightened, lonely girl with the big hair
trying way, way too hard.
And I stepped into that place
where accusation had grabbed
my girl-soul
and dragged her to the bottom
of her shame
and death-rolled her
until disoriented,
inhaling so much guilt
she couldn’t breathe.
“No….Stop!”  I spoke up in her defense.
“She is WORTHY of love….of flight….of wings.”
And I saw where they’d been torn
from her young shoulders,
then draped instead in shame.
And I stepped in.
And reclaimed them.
Oh yes I did.
“Here,  baby,  these wings belong to you.
You’ll grow into them.
Come on out….go free.

It’s safe for you to bloom.

I’m celebrating again this year
loved ones launching
 into fresh blue skies
and as I stand and cheer
my heart sees still another girl on the stage,
my own young face,
and I call out to her also
with love and acceptance
“I am for you!
I am for you!
I am for you!”
(4:44…….my number, the one the universe has been sending me for years!)
come visit my etsy shop,  if you like:)
by the way,
blogger seems to be out of sorts
regarding allowing commenting,
turning it into a wild goose chase for some.
I was having a world of trouble with it,
when I learned a simple fix
(not convenient,  but simple)
1.  Go to google.com
2.  type in “blogger.com” directly on google’s home page.
3. visit blogs as you would any other time.
Somehow this works.
Go figure.
Hope this helps someone.