Heartcries and wings….

This old year
has been poured over and devoured
like a well worn book,
now lovingly bent
and floppy.
It’s been sweet
and hard
and even harsh at times,
but always
and I’m grateful
for the ride.Now, peering onto the delicious blank pages
of a crisp new year
I sense warm winds blowing
and they seem to ask
“what do you want now?”

What do I want?

Well, I’m fairly polished at making lemonade
out of lemons.
I’ve honed this skill.
I can do lemonade
….gourmet, even.

And I’m pretty easily discouraged
into “well, whateverGod has for me.”
I know….it’s a cop-out.
Poison in a choir robe.
But it’s a default setting I slide towards
when I’m disappointed.

Now here I stand in front of a shiny new beginning
with Love boldly whispering,
“what if you lose the fear of being ashamed,
of coming up short?

Forget about what’s happened.
Don’t keep going over old history.
Be present.
Something new is happening.
It’s bursting out….don’t you see it?

There it is
a road in the desert,
rivers in the badlands.
And so I ask you
what is it
that you want?”

And all that I can manage to respond

“What would that look like?
Really….what do you want to see splashed across these pages
a year from now?”

(Heavy sigh)

It’s time to splash my face
with the longings and heartcries in the deep pools of my heart,
the cold, still waters
that flow from the truest parts of me
until I’m alert and awake and alive
to the dreams I haven’t dared to dream
for a while.

(Deep breath)

My word for the year: wings.