When silence boils over and tears catch fire…..

 

Sometimes the grief sits so low in my voice
that I can only lift one finger slow to say thanks
and I must,
must let it twitch breath enough
into the heavy
until my heart starts to rise
to meet the moment
so that my life,
doesn’t close down
in a silence
that can
sink
me

if
I
don’t
grab hold the line
that the gratitude tosses me.
It’s in the thank you that the wind begins to fill me again,
gives me fresh eyes to see again the kind heart thumping grace into places grown thin.
Here I’ve landed tonight and I want to share this safe place I’ve pulled into for my soul to park
while healing prayers rise.

Feel free to share the space and rest here with me
giving thanks for

~ the big rip – the yanking off of this social band-aid
in not allowing us to cover over the wound any longer
with our hasty bandages,
grateful even for the howl of pain that shakes us to either look up and deal
or acknowledge that we choose to diminish
a bleeding human heart
(multitudes of them).

~ For leaders who get down on their knees
to scoop up the tears of the brokenhearted
and walk alongside to protect their voices,
even when those leaders must rise to protect the peaceful
in order that their voices not be
de-legitimized
by those who’ve gotten lost in the pain.

~ for voices that heal,
that respect our humanity even at our most broken.
Who refuse to demonize, to de-humanize – who hold fiery prayerful vigil in their hearts
for the right,  for the left,  for our leadership,
for people of color,  for people who are white,  for the oppressed
and for their oppressors.
For those who will not hate even though it cost them.

~ For those who keep a loving foot on each side of the political chasm.
For the bridge-builders,
the peace-makers
who perch that brave spot of tension
and reject assumption
in order to deeply listen.
Who are breaking up with being driven by agenda.

~ for
“I don’t know.”
“Help me understand.”
“Tell me more.”
”  Keep talking.  I’m not going anywhere.  Still here.  I’m listening.”

~ for every prayer rising
for leadership,
for solution,
for healing change.

~ For every heart that refuses to stop breathing hope
even when you lose it again and again.
God,  it’s so brave to hope again.
To defy disappointment and
take on hope
like a boat going down
in a storm of mercy.

And while I’m grateful also for wildly green ferns carpeting the forest floor
and the first little cucumber sliced warm into my salad
I will keep this back right now in this space
and sit instead with my white heart open to listen and learn
what my privilege may have not let me see.

“Love is creative, understanding goodwill for all men.
It is the refusal to defeat any individual.
When you rise up to the level of love,  of it’s great beauty and power,
you seek only to defeat evil systems.
Individuals who happen to be caught up in that system,  you love,
but you seek to defeat the system
…..inject within the very structure of the universe the very strong and powerful element
of love.”
– Martin Luther King
(from his sermon “Loving your Enemies”)

Barbara Shallue, your name came up from the hat – big grin to send you some love.
One more giveaway this week – fresh new journal to share
Leave a comment and your name is in.

Comments

  1. Powerful, beautiful, painful true.
    As you words so often are.
    Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring are flowing your way. Each and every day.

  2. Sometimes your grief sits low in your voice but you express my sentiment so well of the unjustice that keeps showing up. we need a fresh rain of love, tolerance, and justice to wash over our world. Thank you for so eloquently expressing your wisdom.
    HUgs, Julia

    • jennifer says

      fresh rain of love and justice – yes. Let it rain!
      Thanks for your kindness, Julia,
      Jennifer

  3. Jane Brocious says

    Thank you for these words and for all that you are…a gift to the universe, precious Young One.

  4. hey girl, just posted a little perspective and balance too….a Memorial for men, women, black, white, latino who chose to make their lives matter to humanity,

    https://hindsfeet-birdseyeview.blogspot.com/2020/06/memorial_4.html?m=0

    • jennifer says

      Looking forward to going over to visit. I love your big heart for us all.
      I feel the yes to all of our lives matter. I do.
      I’m feeling it strong to hold space
      for Black Lives Matter right now because of the deep generational wound – feels like the bucket
      of all the prayers through all time is beginning to tip. Tears of so many for so long.
      I heard it said
      like this and it moved me: If you’re having a memorial service for your child and sharing your heart about your experience of this your beloved one that you’ve lost and and someone jumps up, grabs the mic, and says “all children matter”. Truth. They do. But Love would call us to sit with the grief of this wounded one and listen long and fully hear. To honor that particular experience.
      That is where I’m parked in this post –
      Thank God there is no scarcity, no pie to divide. Love enough to extend to each one of us without diminishing or dismissing another.
      Grateful for the plenty of love.
      I’ll be around to visit this weekend.
      Big hugs,
      Jennifer

  5. Oh boy! Thank you so much! It’s still on my to-do list to order one but I still haven’t done it, so I am so happy to see my name! This is such a beautiful, poignant post, Jennifer. I love your gift of mixing just the right words. It’s truly art. Thank you, dear friend.

    • jennifer says

      Shoot me your address when you can, Barbara – I’ll put it on a fast pony:)
      So glad to send it your way. And thank you for your kind, kind words:)
      Big hugs,
      Jennifer

  6. loving your hope and your deep trust in the goodness that is all around to be seen.

    • jennifer says

      So much goodness. So much truth to “we shall overcome.”
      Big love and encouragement to your big heart, Susan.
      Hopeful hugs,
      Jennifer

  7. Jennifer, your words are so heart spoken. My heart has been hurting watching what is going on in our nation right now. Praying I can grasp a better understanding of how privileged I’ve been and how to see with the eyes of my heart how God wants me to love and love on His children of color. I thought I wasn’t prejudice, but I have so much to learn. I will make a conscious effort to do so. Thank you for always sharing your heart.

    • jennifer says

      Me too, Linda. Me too. Thanks for being so intentional with your love.
      Grateful for the times our paths have crossed along this journey:)
      Sending love,
      Jennifer
      (and, hey, I need your address because you won the giveaway!)

  8. It IS so brave to hope. Oh, yes it is.

    You say every word so beautifully. And so from the heart, so true. You are not alone in your thoughts.

    • jennifer says

      Thanks for your kind words – you always put them together so well. I’m in awe and I learn:)
      Gratefully,
      Jennifer

  9. Deep gratitude for your message. I seek to understand and gain awareness and figure out the part I need to own and change in all of this. xo

    • jennifer says

      Me too. I think we need to be purposeful about it instead of just hoping to be schooled.
      Grateful for the healing rumbling to happen and also for the grace to navigate these tricky waters
      – asking, knocking, seeking.
      And making mistakes:)
      Learning, learning.
      Thanks for being here, Suzanne; I appreciate you so.
      – Jennifer

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