Of breakers and breathing and sprains…..

I started writing this series a few weeks back,
letting it dig up my heart,
so that I could carve out and share the overflow.
Then things got weird,
as if I was digging up buried treasure,   yes,
but also other really disturbing things packed away in boxes
in the basement of what I am.
Rocked me back hard,  I tell you,
until my soul felt concussed:)
Then I got some whiplash, for good measure.
Just one big, weepy,  anxious,  throbbing,  nauseated mess.

So I’m giving myself a week to sit down on the beach of this thing
and just watch the waves and listen to the surf sing it’s soothing songs
until my cheese climbs back on my cracker.
Sit here and breathe with me,  if you like.
I love your company.

“The depth of the feeling continued to surprise and threaten me,
but each time it hit again and I bore it,
I would discover that it hadn’t washed me away.”
– Anne Lamott

“The sky where we live is no place to lose your wings.
So love, love, love.”
– Hafiz

Comments

  1. Dear Jennifer, soul searching is like looking for sea glass after everyone has combed the beach but you’ll find those buried treasures with each sweeping of the waves if you’re patient and surrender to time.
    Warm hugs my friend.
    Julia

    • jennifer says

      Patient and surrender to time – geesh, such good words. Thanks Julia.
      Yes, like looking for sea glass. I love that picture and will hold it close
      to heart.
      The warmest hugs back,
      Jennifer

  2. Love that Anne Lamott quote. We are alll stronger than we are allowed to realise.
    How I would love to sit on that beach with you, allowing the wind and waves to sing …

    • jennifer says

      Draw up a chair and put your toes in the sand with me:)
      Yes, I’m learning that, too, Sue – we can hold all of the emotion
      flowing through us. It’s not too much. This is a new idea to me
      that I’m just learning to walk with.
      Thanks and singing wind and waves to you,
      Jennifer

  3. Beautiful quotes to go along with those gorgeous photos. There is something so soothing about a beach and waves.

    • jennifer says

      They kind of re-set me, Fi. It’s such a primal thing, that rhythm.
      Yes, always they comfort and soothe.
      Thanks and much peace to you,
      Jennifer

  4. All that way-back machine can really send you into a whirlpool. Enjoy that beach — the water brings calm and calm brings thought. And whiplash — literal or metaphor — can be such a tricky, painful thing. Enjoy that beach. And by the way, I love the thought — “putting the cheese back on the cracker.” What a gift you have. Sending love.

    • jennifer says

      way-back machine…..that’s the whirlpool, yes:)
      Such good words:) Sprained neck and yes, so tricky.
      Spawned migraines, which I’ve never had before – so much more compassion now
      for those who struggle with them often. Not the same as a headache at all.
      Love to you and all that you are, Jeanie – I so appreciate your warm encouragement:)
      -Jennifer

  5. Patty Davis says

    I took a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course at Duke Integrative Medicine. Learning to sit in silence with myself was such a journey of learning to ride the waves of memory, pain, joy, the whole beautiful mess. Sit with God. In silence and breathe. I highly recommend it! XOXOXO

    • hi Patty:) I love that, Pad. Riding the waves – exactly.
      Learning that they won’t overtake you. Such a rush of relief
      to realize how safe we are in it all.
      Thanks for your always welcome words. I love you:)
      -Jennifer

  6. Such admiration for your courage, the intention to peel so much back, to embrace the fullness of your story. I admire too your readers who value the deep mining of memory.

    • I love my readers, too. So much gift there. And appreciate your kind words
      and invigorating presence. Thanks much, Lisa:)
      -Jennifer

  7. I’m sitting tight up beside you on this beautiful beach, picking up cheese crumbs and gently handing them back to you, watching and waiting til you feel strong and ready … no hurry, just love & light.

  8. Jennifer, Your words “really disturbing things packed away in boxes in the basement of what I am” resonated with me and set off all kinds of ideas and light-bulbs. It is definitely something that makes me want to go right to my journal and start writing this out. Even though I will probably discover things that might give me whiplash! I love your words and your series–the way you tease out the different tendrils and pull the straight–the beautiful way you have with words. Thank you so much for sharing! I look forward to hearing from you again after you have rested by the sea and found your still center again.

    • Hi Linda:) So good to see you:)
      Whiplash hurts for sure. It’s so good and comforting to have a safe place
      to run to when the hurting starts. Grateful and sending love into your journey as well.
      -jennifer

  9. You are amazing. Your words are penetrating. I’m looking forward to my 2 weeks at the beach at the end of the month. I’m going to quietly sit, toes in the sand, face toward the sun, and just be still. And I hope you have more of your blogs posted for me to read. And ponder. Oceans of love and smiles to you, dear friend.

    • Hi Sharon, I’m so glad you’re going to get to spend some facetime with your ocean:)
      Two weeks – heaven:) I appreciate your encouragement. Go sit by the sea and savor:)
      -Jennifer

  10. …until my cheese climbs back on my cracker…those words say so much. You take your time…

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