Can’t wrap it up pretty with a bow….

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I’ve been flummoxed,  wanting to offer you a fresh bouquet
from the gardens I’ve been tending,
about watery melons and milk thistle tea,
wildflower honey and coppertone on a breeze.
It meets some sort of primal need in me to create beauty with words
and pictures,  to share the light streaming in from my window
and lean my shoulder playful into yours,
grinning “look!”

To be glad about it together….this is joy to me.
But there’s sludge in my soul from holding quiet so long
a story i’m living
that feels so swollen inside that my voice has gotten heavy
and i feel it’s time to try and tell it true,
to free what needs to flow on through me
because there is nothing more lonely than secrets that metastisize
until you’re silent where your heart used to sing.

window glow
I wrestled with starting a new blog,  just for the telling.
So no one could watch.
Maybe slide this story out there faceless
because,  I tell you,  the shame that washes over me still,
even after doing the work for what seems like forever,
fighting to hold onto the truth when my ground is hard shaken,
well it can roll me until I’m thrashing for air.

But I’m taking the Summer to share.
Week by week.  One deep breath at a time.
Because it’s the garden that I’ve got.
And real life is the most beautiful thing that I know.
Even when you can’t wrap it up tidy and sweet:)

If you’re feeling it,  come back to share the road.
If you’d rather not,  i so understand.
Either way I wish you beauty,  bounty and breakthrough
in all of your ways.

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“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
Maya Angelou

Comments

  1. Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring.
    There is beauty in your sludge and pain. The beauty of integrity and honesty. Which needs no bows, or pretty colours.
    I hope the colours emerge from your chaos just the same. And that the birds sing for you.

    • jennifer says

      I’m amazed at the way your words move me.
      Every. single. time.
      Thank you for the light and balm you offer.
      Much love,
      Jennifer

  2. I’m so sending you the biggest virtual hug you’ve ever received. We’ll be here…all summer long.

    • jennifer says

      Feeling that hug, Robin; holding still and just letting it love me for a sec:)
      Thank you:) I love sharing the road with you.
      Much love,
      Jennifer

  3. Lynn Wilkinson says

    Be strong brave soul, that story needs wings only your words can provide. Your gentle listeners will sit with you for as long as it takes for you to find the precision the story deserves. You are lovely…” Shoulder nudge” ” it will be alright.” 💝

    • jennifer says

      Wings:) Your encouragement stirs mine so often.
      Thanks for nudging my courage and sharing your balm:)
      Much love,
      Jennifer

  4. To be real, to be a bouquet of feelings, is what we are really all about. Big love to you, Jennifer. I will always be here. Love, love, love, kathy

    • jennifer says

      Kathy, your words. Wisdom wrapped in simplicity. Always.
      I love your way:)
      Thanks for sharing it with me.
      Much love,
      Jennifer

  5. Be of good courage as you speak your truth…your way…moment by moment. You deserve to be heard in the fullness of your truth; and we, your “gentle listeners” will cradle you with humankindness. <3

    • jennifer says

      You are the gentlest of listeners and I hold that as pure gift.
      Thank you, dear Jane.
      You make me brave:)
      -Jennifer

  6. Jennifer, applauding your sweet sister as you give the story brewing within life. Know that your words always have a beautiful way of stirring us.

  7. I’m grateful that you are sharing and applaud the courage it takes to open up and surround yourself with the love of those who care. I could tell something very big, very deep, very unhappy has been part of your life for a bit and one doesn’t want to pry. There is a time when despite how much you care, you hold your tonguej and wait until one is ready to peel off the layers of the onion and reveal what lies beneath. I need no bows or pretty colors. They do not make beauty. Beauty is truth and truth is beauty. And you are beautiful.

    • jennifer says

      Beauty is truth and truth is beauty. Powerful words, those.
      Thank you. You make me brave:) I so appreciate your kindness.
      All the kindnesses you’ve been to me.
      Much love,
      Jennifer

  8. I’ve missed sharing the road. My own words seem to stay in journals of bright colors stuffed in a big purse, scratched from 35,000 feet traveling back and forth to help my dad die. No one knew it would take this long. Wherever your words live I want to read them. Will you let us know? As for nudging with a shoulder playful: “Look!” Yes! I love that mind picture. I take great joy in seeing your garden Jennifer. As Jane says above: you deserve to be heard in the fullness of your truth. I’ll listen anytime. Maybe you’ll help me inch through my own dark corridors.

    • jennifer says

      Oh Susan. Sending love and togethering into those dark corridors;
      please feel the strength of tribe there with you. You are safe held.
      Thanks for your company.
      With much love,
      Jennifer

  9. Stunning photos Jennifer. I am willing to share the road with you – if it helps to know others are listening. x

    • jennifer says

      Thanks for the kindness, Simone:)
      I’m built for community….I love having someone along:)
      I appreciate you.
      Much love,
      Jennifer

  10. I just can’t imagine not sharing the road with you and always feel your sweet shoulder leaning close. You have the biggest, most caring heart and that’s why it hurts sometimes.
    Your garden grows crazy wild and free and I want to know that I can always find you there.
    xoxo

    • jennifer says

      Your words:) Wildflowers in the breeze:) Thanks for showing up
      in the encouraging way you have about you. It shines. Really.
      Much love,
      Jennifer

  11. I will not leave 💚 sending love on the breeze…

    • jennifer says

      Thanks, friend, and so VERY glad to see your space blooming again:)
      What a beautiful garden you share:)
      -Jennifer

  12. Cindy Long says

    I can feel the ache in your words Jenn. I was thinking recently that you’ve been quiet for a little while now. I was very excited when this came along. So I feel really privileged to hear your story as you bring it to light and to our hearing. Your words of real always prompt me to ponder…so I thank you for that and look forward to being included along the way! May joy filled sweetness come your way along this journey! Big hugs! 💖💖💖

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