Cry baby cry…..

insta simple

I’ve had my heart broken,
the air knocked out of my voice
so it’s been quiet here for a little while,
giving myself instead to the work of breathing in and back out
and then repeating all over again.
And I’ve given myself over to the tears which
seem to flow unchecked and without warning.

I’m wildly grateful for the sunglasses I get to work behind,
the way my work lets me wander and wobble without fanfare,
and for the spilling-over-healing wonder of the tears themselves,
as if the sea finds me exactly where I am
and strokes my cheek with salty fingers
in the spacious,  windy way that I love.

I’ve given myself permission to let the sad be,
to let the tears rain down comfort,
let the petals be crushed
and the kleenex disappear extravagently.

5 insta

And as I’ve cried it out,  not pulling away from the pain
but letting it say it’s part in this story still unfolding,
I’ve been reminded to stretch wide my other wing,  too,
the one that lets beauty sing her grateful joy
until they’re both unfurled,  these powerful wings,
both joy and pain in harmony,
making music that pulls me deeper into life.

Life.  My God,  how I love it.
Raw and unscripted and teeming with things that scare and scald
and heal and delight and stretch and surprise and shave our rough edges smooth.
Life lived bare with the soundtrack unplugged
and the feeling turned up strong.

Tears unhindered,
smiles unforced,
heart unguarded
and freckles wet and nourished with saltwater peace.
Life not false.

But unbroken?

And my hope and I are okay with that:)

insta playful heart

I want to share a tool I’ve been using,
something offered by  Mandy Bird,  the gifted and compassionate grief counselor
I’ve been working with.  You can recieve her wise, intuitive care,
along with her collaborator, Chris Saade,
in their DVD series The Model of Heart-Centered Grief .
It’s a tall glass of hope and help for the hurting.
I so recommend.  Worth every
shiny penny.

“Our efforts to disconnect ourselves from our own suffering
end up disconnecting our suffering from God’s suffering for us.
The way out of our loss and hurt is in and through.” -Henry Nouwen

I’ll be drawing a name from comments to send a care package from my heart to yours. For the love:)


  1. Elephant's Child on May 15, 2016 at 6:35 pm

    I view tears as toxins which need to be shed. Often. And I feel cleaner and lighter for it.
    Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring to your brave, beautiful soul. I hope that beauty and hope cradle you tight until your wings are strong enough to soar.

    • jennifer on May 20, 2016 at 7:37 am

      What a fascinating way to see it, Sue. I love that.
      Thanks for sharing, and always for sharing this journey with me:)

  2. Jane Brocious on May 15, 2016 at 10:57 pm

    I am so sorry that you are hurting, Jennifer. I am thinking of you with compassion and concern…and love and admiration for your unwavering expression of the fullness and beauty of life.

    • jennifer on May 20, 2016 at 7:36 am

      Big thanks, Jane:) I so appreciate your presence here. I really do.
      Much love,

  3. Juli on May 15, 2016 at 11:49 pm

    Oh, Jennifer. You are such a brilliant, beautiful light shining. I am so sorry you are traversing this difficult terrain. I wish I could carry some of the burden for you. Even though there are gifts in it, I am still so so sorry for what you are going through . Hugs and comfort being sent your way. XOXOXOXO

    • jennifer on May 20, 2016 at 7:36 am

      I feel like I’m getting some good muscle in places where I’ve been gimpy for a long time
      so there’s that:) And there are comfort and surprising graces. I feel those hugs and send
      big thanks for your kindness and care:)

  4. Lynn Wilkinson on May 15, 2016 at 11:59 pm

    You brave gentle soul… Not pulling away from the grief. Tender gentle hugs to help you unburden some “junk” along this leg of your journey and help support the weaker wing until it unfurls with the fullness of its truest beauty… Your authentic and loving self! I wish I could do more and p, yes, thank God for shun glassss and thick jeans that prevent the knees from tottering when the wobbly get to strong

    • jennifer on May 20, 2016 at 7:34 am

      Glasses and jeans…..yes:)
      Not pulling away from grief is a lifelong challenge, isn’t it.
      I so appreciate your big heart and how you share it with me, Lynn.
      So much:)

  5. Rebecca on May 16, 2016 at 7:16 am

    Thank you Jennifer for sharing your soul’s journey. I am holding you in the light as you “let the sad be,” trust the process, and open your wounded heart wide. Your words and images never cease to awe and inspire me. My own grief journey has been especially challenging of late. Feeling extra grateful today for the gift of your wisdom and self-compassion.

    • jennifer on May 20, 2016 at 7:32 am

      Love and lift to you in those raw places, Rebecca; I so appreciate the way
      you live true and big. Thanks so much for sharing the journey, friend.
      Just so much.

  6. LISA MORELAND on May 16, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    Rereading your words that steadily pour compassion over ever form of suffering…”Raw and unscripted and teeming with things that scare and scald and heal and delight and stretch and surprise and shave our rough edges smooth.” Pure hospice for the soul.

    • jennifer on May 20, 2016 at 7:31 am

      Hospice for the soul…..gosh I love those words.
      Thank you, Lisa. Really appreciate your perspective;
      thanks for sharing:)

  7. gotham girl on May 17, 2016 at 6:23 pm

    Sending a big virtual hug to you my sweet friend. Your words touch the core of my soul.

    • jennifer on May 20, 2016 at 7:30 am

      Thanks for that hug and for coming by and sharing the journey, Robin.
      I appreciate you so:)

  8. jeanie on May 18, 2016 at 7:37 am

    There are so many times when reading a blog I want to reach into the screen, cut across miles of distance and grab a flower or go on a walk or celebrate at a party or join the blogger in a walk through a new country (or an old favorite). But I’ve never before wanted so much to leap into that screen, cross the miles and give you the biggest healing hug in the world. All grief is unique but those of us who have known our own will recognize your words not simply as those of an insightful poet but as the true expression and representation of a grief so many experience. (And by the way, that is what Kleenex is for.)

    I suspect you are wise enough to realize you can’t rush grief, you can’t put it in a box that you fasten tightly and open only when you feel safe. It opens you. But it is in grieving this way that we become survivors, not victims. And it is in doing so that we heal. I send you deep wishes for that peace and healing. And yes, I’m still trying to figure out how to get through that computer screen to give you a hug!

    • jennifer on May 20, 2016 at 7:30 am

      I feel that hug from here, Jeanie…so big:)
      Thanks for your kind, kind words. Balm. Sweet to my soul:)
      I appreciate you (and the kleenex are lasting way longer now;)

  9. Barbara on May 18, 2016 at 11:01 am

    It is so true that life is a balance of joy and pain. We can’t truly appreciate or recognize joy with the pain, and the memory of joy gives us hope to get through the pain. Beautifully written, but my heart aches that yours has been broken. Prayers for healing and happiness!

    • jennifer on May 20, 2016 at 7:29 am

      I’m grateful, too, for the comfort that comes in so many unexpected and unexplainable ways.
      Prayers for comfort to find you in just exactly the places when you need.
      Love and thanks for sharing the journey, Barbara:)

  10. Kathy on May 20, 2016 at 10:44 am

    Wrapping my arms around you for a big, warm, loving and grateful hug. We all have pain that needs to be released. I hope you know that by you releasing your tears and words here, it’s healing balm for others.
    Lots of breathing space and warm sun rays to you.

    • jennifer on May 28, 2016 at 2:40 pm

      I so appreciate, Kathy. Big hug right back
      and thanks for your kindness, dearheart:)

  11. Karen Woodfin on May 20, 2016 at 10:53 am

    Tears are healing your wounds. Getting rid of grief and pain to be replaced soon with tears of joy. Thanks for your poetic words that allow us to see into your heart. 💖

    • jennifer on May 28, 2016 at 2:40 pm

      I receive that, karen…..tears healing wounds.
      Yes and thanks and much love,

  12. Susan on May 20, 2016 at 10:55 am

    I want to take those sweet wings in my arms and hold you close. I just can’t express to you how much your truth, your words, your honest sharing mean in my life, how much I love you.

    • jennifer on May 28, 2016 at 2:39 pm

      So many times your words make me smile. This is one of them:)
      Just so much thanks,

  13. Suzanne McRae on May 20, 2016 at 12:05 pm

    Beautiful, brave you Jennifer. I see so much strength and beauty mixed amongst the grief and pain that you are experiencing. True healing happens from the place you are allowing yourself to go into. Your Light shines so bright!! Blessings… may you be well supported and loved always. Thank you for showing us the way. xoxo

    • jennifer on May 28, 2016 at 2:39 pm

      Thanks for saying what you see, Suzanne…I so appreciate that about you.
      I send you love. And healing hugs. And gratitude:)

  14. Anne Camblin on May 20, 2016 at 12:06 pm

    So many beautifully written comments here, to go along with your truly amazing words of truth. All I have to add is that you are loved and held here in my heart as well.

    • jennifer on May 28, 2016 at 2:38 pm

      I appreciate your friendship, Anne. Just so much.
      Thanks. For so many years:) Love:)

  15. elk on May 20, 2016 at 2:32 pm

    love the encouraging comments here …sending you sweet wishes of “everything will be alright” across the breeze

    • jennifer on May 28, 2016 at 2:37 pm

      Your words are balm and light, Elaine; thank you.
      I love your breeze:)

  16. Donna on May 20, 2016 at 4:24 pm

    Oh Jennifer I am so sorry to hear your heart has been broken…but so wise to turn into the hurt and grief and pain. I am learning to let the feelings be, and then let go….sending you big warm hugs in hopes it may help ease your pain!

    • jennifer on May 28, 2016 at 2:36 pm

      Feeling those hugs and sending thanks; hope you can feel my smile:)
      I appreciate so much, Donna,

  17. Louise Gallagher on May 21, 2016 at 7:12 am

    The wisdom of your heart knows no bounds
    flowing freely in joy and pain
    it releases Love
    in all things.

    thank you Jennifer for this oasis of beauty.

    Sending you and your beautiful heart and wings unfurling, love and comfort.

    • jennifer on May 28, 2016 at 2:35 pm

      Thanks, friend:) Your words….my heart:)
      I appreciate sooooooo much.
      Big hug,

  18. Optimistic Existentialist on May 24, 2016 at 4:10 am

    Letting the sad “be” is most definitely the best and wisest course of action…too often, people try to supress the sad – and that only makes matters worse or delays the inevitable. When we embrace the sad, we allow ourselves the opportunity to heal and to come back stronger than ever 🙂

    • jennifer on May 28, 2016 at 2:34 pm

      Thanks for visiting and leaving such thoughtful words….balm:)
      I appreciate the affirmation. Just so much.

  19. judy Hartman on May 25, 2016 at 8:45 pm

    I just stopped by and I am so sorry about whatever it is that has happened. You are such a beautiful person – I hate to see you so broken hearted. Sending you love and light and compassion.
    May you find strength and hope.

    • jennifer on May 28, 2016 at 2:33 pm

      Hey Judy:) So good to see you again.
      I’m doing so well….thanks for your kind visit and the sweet words
      you left here. I feel full and grateful. Thanks for expressing such care:)

  20. debbie on May 28, 2016 at 11:01 am

    Beautiful post – terribly sorry. Your on your way. Someone once said in a simply in my trench of grief – you can’t go over it; you can’t go under it; the only way is “through.” Sounds like you are noticing blessings. Sending you light and comfort.

    • jennifer on May 28, 2016 at 2:32 pm

      Noticing and reveling in them, Debbie; thank you:)
      It’s been beautiful in so many ways and I’m feeling quite alive
      and invested. I appreciate your kind words.
      Much thanks,

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