I’ve had my heart broken,
the air knocked out of my voice
so it’s been quiet here for a little while,
giving myself instead to the work of breathing in and back out
and then repeating all over again.
And I’ve given myself over to the tears which
seem to flow unchecked and without warning.
I’m wildly grateful for the sunglasses I get to work behind,
the way my work lets me wander and wobble without fanfare,
and for the spilling-over-healing wonder of the tears themselves,
as if the sea finds me exactly where I am
and strokes my cheek with salty fingers
in the spacious, windy way that I love.
I’ve given myself permission to let the sad be,
to let the tears rain down comfort,
let the petals be crushed
and the kleenex disappear extravagently.
And as I’ve cried it out, not pulling away from the pain
but letting it say it’s part in this story still unfolding,
I’ve been reminded to stretch wide my other wing, too,
the one that lets beauty sing her grateful joy
until they’re both unfurled, these powerful wings,
both joy and pain in harmony,
making music that pulls me deeper into life.
Life. My God, how I love it.
Raw and unscripted and teeming with things that scare and scald
and heal and delight and stretch and surprise and shave our rough edges smooth.
Life lived bare with the soundtrack unplugged
and the feeling turned up strong.
and freckles wet and nourished with saltwater peace.
Life not false.
And my hope and I are okay with that:)
I want to share a tool I’ve been using,
something offered by Mandy Bird, the gifted and compassionate grief counselor
I’ve been working with. You can recieve her wise, intuitive care,
along with her collaborator, Chris Saade,
in their DVD series The Model of Heart-Centered Grief .
It’s a tall glass of hope and help for the hurting.
I so recommend. Worth every shiny penny.
“Our efforts to disconnect ourselves from our own suffering
end up disconnecting our suffering from God’s suffering for us.
The way out of our loss and hurt is in and through.” -Henry Nouwen
I’ll be drawing a name from comments to send a care package from my heart to yours. For the love:)