Living loved or driven…..

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I wrangled out a post yesterday,
pushed it through the sieve of some sleepless hours
and tried to coax some juice to share.
Because it was time and I wanted to find the lovely
and serve it to you here.

Then I dumped it in the trash
because it felt forced,
driving me,  and then I felt them like a song,
the words I scrawled on the console of my old work truck
in red lipstick,
wrote them down bold so that maybe my heart would hear it stronger
in the wounded place where I sometimes go bloody
in the heat of a small day.

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Because sometimes my hungry places want to carve it somewhere big
“I am here”
“I matter”
“Do you see me now?”
As if only something beautiful or important enough
might repair the holes I hide.

Like the lipstick on my console,
I’ve decided to just leave them to the light.
Let the guy at the garage scratch his head and puzzle:)
Lay my unloved places bare
so that Love can find and heal and fill them there.

It’s risky business,  leaving yourself open to love.
But I’d rather live loved than driven.

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The words scrawled in red lipstick across my gimpy parts:

“You don’t need to justify your existence.”

– Don Miguel Ruiz

(big glad honest sigh)

I’ll be sending out a package of handwritten love to Lisa Moreland this week.
Gonna plunk names into a hat again this week to draw for
another little personal love bomb
from my heart to yours.
Thanks for coming around:)

 

20 Comments

  1. Rebecca on April 21, 2016 at 7:39 am

    Just the healing words I needed this morning. Thank you Jennifer!

    • jennifer on April 23, 2016 at 7:13 am

      I’m so glad, Rebecca. Big birthday love to you this whole week long (at least!).
      Much joy to you. Just so much:)
      -Jennifer

  2. jeanie on April 21, 2016 at 8:44 am

    Jennifer, there is such power in your words. I love that you threw out a post because it was “forced” and you shared with us what is real. Live Loved. These are wonderful words to live by — and I intend to do exactly that.

    On a completely unrelated note, I may be in your neck of the woods in mid/late June. It would be fun to connect if we can!

    • jennifer on April 23, 2016 at 7:13 am

      I would LOVE that, Jeanie! We’ll try to work it out!
      We’ll talk:) Thanks for your kind words, friend:)
      -Jennifer

  3. gotham girl on April 21, 2016 at 9:57 pm

    I love that you recognize “forced” – thank you!!!

    • jennifer on April 23, 2016 at 7:12 am

      Something deeply beautiful about honest, isn’t there.
      I think real is the most beautiful thing. Thanks for
      all the real you share:)
      -Jennifer

  4. Ann on April 23, 2016 at 8:55 am

    Thanks my love, I needed these healing words this morning . Love to all

    • jennifer on April 28, 2016 at 7:39 am

      Love and big tender hugs to you, dear Ann.
      I so appreciate you in my life:)
      -Jennifer

  5. Catherine Drea on April 23, 2016 at 9:00 am

    Loved this and I find my own strategy is to ripen slowly and organically which you are obviously doing too….ever so naturally x

    • jennifer on April 28, 2016 at 7:39 am

      Exactly. It’s a beautiful thing to let things be what they want to ripen into being.
      Organic relationships are worth the wait and time and mess.
      Thanks and love,
      Jennifer

  6. Susan on April 23, 2016 at 9:46 am

    I truly love your lipstick words and your big, lovin’ heart and your hurt places and your knowing ways and I bet I would love your old truck, too.

    • jennifer on April 28, 2016 at 7:38 am

      Oh how your words make me smile:)
      You WOULD love my truck:) We’d have a blast riding down backroads together
      with the windows rolled down and the radio turned up high, singing our hearts out
      together:)
      Love and thanks, Susan,
      Jennifer

  7. Barbara on April 23, 2016 at 12:22 pm

    Live loved, not driven. Another amen, Jennifer! Blessings to you, sweet friend!

    • jennifer on April 28, 2016 at 7:37 am

      Big tenderness to you, dearheart, as you honor your mother
      and her noble life. You are her beautiful legacy.
      Love and prayers for comfort and peace,
      Jennifer

  8. amanda kilburn on April 23, 2016 at 3:30 pm

    Beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing.

    • jennifer on April 28, 2016 at 7:36 am

      So glad you dropped by, Amanda;
      I love it when you come around:)
      Thanks for your kind encouragement,
      Jennifer

  9. Naomi on April 28, 2016 at 2:16 pm

    Totally get it! The fact is, you DO matter. To so many of us.

    • jennifer on May 1, 2016 at 7:54 am

      Thanks, dear Naomi:)
      Your kindness is a beautiful treasure:)
      -Jennifer

  10. Donna on May 6, 2016 at 4:24 pm

    Oh such brave and wonderful words to honor ourselves!

    • jennifer on May 9, 2016 at 4:46 pm

      Thanks, dear brave wonderful you:)
      -Jennifer

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