Seeing stars…

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“I’m seeing stars,”  I told her when she asked how I was doing
because I’ve felt it to my bones,
this sense of getting my lights punched out,
like the old cartoon quips,  “Ka – pow!”
– circumstances seem to be pummeling so hard
I find myself flinching when the phone rings.

I want to rush the pain,
to charge it like a provoked mama elephant
and silence the sounds mocking my joy,
voices that seemed to say
this is as far as you can go
with your silly, happy songs and all that
life-is-beautiful crap;
watch what happens if your cup shatters
and all the peace drains out
(biff….bam!…..bop!)
and you stay down because you have no right
to that kind of  joy.”

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Yeah,  that’s how it feels sometimes,
doesn’t it.

But I’ve chased the beauty anyway
and watched the horizon as the sun drops down into darkness
with a heave of light
and bubbles of brilliance hang soft in the after air
and I’m seeing stars in this,  too,
and how they dazzle and dance and do their magic
over tired places in my heart

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and somehow it opens  me wider,
watching all  these shiny whispers
as they drift and sizzle soft and hopeful,
calling,  always calling,
that it’s an even larger joy we’re meant for
than I’ve tasted so far,
so keep plowing and planting
and tending and caring for
this tender joy
as if it’s the last crop I was born to grow.

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 “Sadness is easier because it’s surrender.
I say make time to dance alone with one hand
waving free.”
-from Elizabethtown

 

Comments

  1. Beautiful!

  2. And you are a star – illuminating a gentle and beautiful path for us all. I hope your own path becomes easier.

  3. Profoundly touching and beautiful, all of it. Wishing you peace in your heart and that your soul be filled with light and joy… just like you have shined on us this past month with all these beautiful sunset photos you shared. xo

  4. So beautiful….yes there were times I thought OK so when is the other shoe going to drop…and I have lain awake not sleeping due to life’s circumstances, and gazed upon the moon and stars at night and felt peace there too…you bring these feelings to life for us.

  5. So beautiful….yes there were times I thought OK so when is the other shoe going to drop…and I have lain awake not sleeping due to life’s circumstances, and gazed upon the moon and stars at night and felt peace there too…you bring these feelings to life for us.

  6. love you words & photos, you deserve a beautiful life, enjoy!

  7. Ah Jen it seems you wrote my heart. Sometimes life comes at us with pain, stress that knocks us sideways…Soaking in your message my friend

  8. Just love the joy and light the permeates through you Jennifer. And I really liked the sweet snippets of joy you passed along to me in the mail. It may my day that much sweeter.

  9. Having the light or the wind punched out of us is painful and it happens to most of us at one time or another. Stressful circumstances that tugs deep from the depth of our heart often makes us see stars. Sometimes we have to look long and hard to find those little fairies named Joy and Peace.

    Wishing you beautiful sunrise and sun sets. Sending Peace and Joy your way.
    Hugs,
    JB
    Hugs

  10. Jennifer…. love the photography in this post! Especially that 2nd shot with the blue silos through the plants. So dreamy! You know…. I do think it’s easier to feel sad and blue at times, because it is a surrender. Especially when stressed and exhausted. Stay strong! You’re such a gifted artist!

    xo
    dulcy

  11. Oh, dear — I am of two minds here — one is sick with worry for you and what seems to be pumelling you left and right. The other is filled with joy for your ability to find that moment, that beauty, that essence of the world. This is a beautiful post– your photos, your words, simply dazzle me.

  12. To know we are not alone in our struggles unites us. I had my first public critic email me today which felt like a punch. The fear of someone mocking me, and telling me that I was flawed has finally come true today. You know what, it felt like a punch and yet, it was a compliment that I am finally standing true and hitting some nerves with my writing.

    Your voice is beautiful, it speaks from your soul. Thank you for sharing your sparkles.

  13. Yes. That is exactly how it feels sometime. And then somehow we connect again, and find the beauty and the joy, and life continues on.

    Wishing you peace – and a dance step that moves you onto the next rung on the “how much joy can I hold” ladder.

  14. Glad you’re not listening to those voices, my friend, but chasing the beauty anyway. Take care, and keep tending that crop He planted. He’s looking for the harvest even more than we are.

  15. I’m glad you didn’t fall for their tricks and let the voices drain your joy. Continue to dance with at least one hand waving free! And thank you for your gorgeous photos!

  16. You’ve shared great beauty through this series. Hope your stars illumine the way.

  17. I love the action in your words. Ka-boom! It made my visualization much stronger. 🙂
    Chasing beauty reminds me why we are here… to take a deep breath and enjoy life.

    Hugs!
    Lindsay

  18. here’s to chasing the beauty anyway!
    (LOVE your header + letters to ripplespeak! way to love up your identity!)
    XOX

  19. Glorious, simply glorious, Jennifer. Yes, that’s how ti feels for sure. Been there, felt that. You have a gift for finding the stars and bringing light to all of us. Thank you! ♥

  20. Oh, yes, my friend … I hear you loud & clear! I also feel your crystal sharp strength and dedication to truth & beauty & nature’s light. I’m pulling for all of us!

  21. i totally believe that most of us haven’t expanded enough to touch our greatness or joy in this life time…yet! i think there is sooo much more out there than we will allow in!

    Just LOVE that photo of the weeds with the silos in the background!!

  22. I’m really glad that you ‘chase the beauty’, Jennifer. Not only do you chase it, but you spread it, along with joy and light. There will always be those naysayers who love to squash dreams. I love your feisty reaction to them, because we really NEED to push those voices back, shut them out and grab all the happiness we can get. There have to be joy-seeking souls in this world – and you are one of them – or everything would be dark and dreary and negative. Wish I knew who was giving you grief – I’d give them a “Ka-pow”!! (only kidding!) You are such a source of inspiration, and I can see that I’m not the only one who appreciates your infectious glow. xo

  23. Awww, this post brought a few tear drops to my eyes.
    Especially the first part..I was having one of those days today
    where it would have been easier to surrender to the gloomy side of it all,
    until I came by here. Thank you Jennifer. I’m so glad that you too keep
    pushing through to the JOY….You deserve every ounce of it out there.

    Big Hugs!
    Lee Ann

  24. oh, may you have all you need for this trying time… may God be with you and strengthen you and provide for you, in every need of your heart and life. your photos here are so full of beauty…

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