those smiling eyes…

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There is a table where I’ve waited
in the corner of my heart,
where this girlish hope peered hard
for hurried, anxious eyes to stop and meet with mine,
and it felt sometimes like starving,
wishing they’d look at me and smile.

Somehow I learned to worry that maybe the heavy thing
that dragged the sparkle from those eyes
was me.

So I tried to help harder
and care harder
and work harder
and wait harder…

thank God it doesn’t work:)

Because another’s mood isn’t our mirror,
their struggle doesn’t say who we are,
their feelings  aren’t our portion,
and this dark table in the corner
isn’t where we have to spend our precious days
so I’m painting,  re-purposing and moving it on out,
into the light,

and it seems as if someone has opened a window
(was that there all along?)
and swirled drops of breeze and sunlight
into some closed off spaces
and it feels like my first taste of ice cream,
and I breathe sweet that the grin that I’m hungry for
is shining deep into my heart from my own smiling eyes.

(this little patch of words is simply
about self-care and soul-tending
in some of  the weedy parts of my garden.)

“I am not referring to acts of love,  kindness,  compassion,  and true helping
-situations where our assistance is legitimately wanted and needed
and we want to give that assistance.
These acts are the good stuff of life.
Rescuing or caretaking isn’t.”

-Melody Beattie

I’m taking this month of August
to rest my soul
by writing more
( I know,  not less…..go figure)
and coming around daily to post
the stuff that’s stirring in my heart.
You’re oh so welcome to drop in when you can.

Comments

  1. I’m still here! I love hangin’ with you.

  2. oops! I just realized that I left this comment on your previous post and it was meant for this post. Here goes again!

    I so am in tune with your same feelings in this Jen. I understand with my heart exactly where you are, because something is lifting a blanket of sorts off of a piece of the real me that I didn’t even realize was hidden. That something is God , I’m sure who has waited on me to lift it off with my own hands, knowing that I had to do it myself and feel it myself to make it permanent and true. I am so happy for you and this freeing journey you are on. You have such a precious heart Jen. I am soooooo thankful for you.

    Hugs of Love,
    Lee Ann

    Reply

  3. Dear Jennifer, sometimes the sparkle get lost in unmet expectations and the light becomes dim with time. We become lost treasures waiting to be seen with new eyes. Just because the hunger is still there, your heart, your identity, the treasure you once were is still there. I’m glad that you have found comfort in your own strength.
    Hugs,

    Ps, I may be way out of line with my comment if so please tell me.
    Jennifer, may I ask you what type of tree is that with the blooming balls on your header.
    I would love to know the name if you know it. Thanks,
    JB

  4. I like your words but must disagree with the words in your quote. I think rescuing and caretaking are also good things. Not always, but they can be good things. Your writing is another good thing.

  5. Your words are just the ones I’m needing to hear lately. Thank you!

  6. Self care is so important, and something I often (too often) neglect. Thank you for the reminder. I hope those gentle cleansing breezes, the sunshine and the aroma of growing things ensconces itself in both our worlds.

  7. Your words really resonated with me Jennifer. x

  8. I’m not so poetic as you are but still you motivate me to write more, while having
    breaks at the same time. Always feel at home here,

    Lindsay

  9. You (and your words) are sooooo beautiful, dear friend. And the photograph, did I mention the photograph?!! xo

  10. I read this post twice to get to the bottom of your intention in writing it, but took my own meaning as it relates to my life. Your writing, Jennifer, moves and even thrills me at times. The phrase, “,,,it seems as if someone has opened a window/ (was it there all along?) and swirled drops of breeze and sunlight/ into some closed off spaces…” touched me deeply – that ‘aha’ moment of letting go of the need to rescue or save another who must manage his or her own life. And your readers’ comments are enlightening, also. I feel privileged to share in your wisdom and that of your circle of readers. These daily posts are truly a gift. xo

  11. That photo is just remarkable. Your words settle in as I ponder them.

  12. This line hit home: Somehow I learned to worry that maybe the heavy thing
    that dragged the sparkle from those eyes
    I love the sparkle that comes from being free in Him.
    They will sparkle in his land like jewels in a crown. Zech. 9:16

  13. Anothers’ mood isn’t our mirror… Powerful stuff. I have worked hard to not absorb others’ moods, like a sponge. I think the mirror image is easier for me to grasp in my head. Peace, Jennifer! Hugs, kath

  14. Your words speak volumes to many of us who take on the problems and drama etc of those we help or who are around us…fabulous images…I have been learning to protect my heart and soul with a bubble so I make sure I am not picking up their issues when I help them..not easy.

  15. Your words speak volumes to many of us who take on the problems and drama etc of those we help or who are around us…fabulous images…I have been learning to protect my heart and soul with a bubble so I make sure I am not picking up their issues when I help them..not easy.

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