of monsters and mercy and me….

I’ve dreamed it since I was young,  this recurring fright:
I’m at the beach with my family when suddenly I’m standing on bare sand
that is sloping madly toward the sea
and a monstrous black wave is towering over me….towering…..and I’ve no time,  not a second,  to run.
And I don’t know how I got there….the waves were lovely and friendly
when suddenly a dark dinosaur of water is curling menacing overhead

Wherever I am is suddenly freakishly not a safe place to be and my mind reels….how did I get here?
I think, to survive,  I should’ve dived through the wave into sanctuary but it’s come on too fast,  too  big
and I’m standing exposed on bare sand.

If I’m in the cottage,  the nightmare wave smashes over the roof while I watch through the windows,
horrified,  as the dark of the deep envelops us and I fear the house will splinter.

I always wake up shaken before the wave touches me
…..never  taste it’s salt or feel it’s sweeping power crush me.

I’ve wondered most my life what it means,  if anything,  this dream.

Last week I walked along the shore,  my feet knee deep in rushing tide and it settled sweet to spirit,   what a water girl I am,
how I always feel the me-est when I’m weightless in the waves,  floating free,
wallowing in the lift of  salt and  sea.
I watched the dark waves rolling in and suddenly,  as if splashed,  I know the wave that’s haunted me.
It’s name is “false” and it threatens
when I get washed up high and dry from the truth of me,
jostled and churned until I’m beached
like a fish out of water….. with false responsibility
but I can stop and wake up and shake myself free

Because the false never takes me,  never crushes out my life,
there’s mercy more and  always enough  to wake me up to the light,
to  tweak my course and find my bearings and go back to simply be,
otter-ly real and true to me.

“To thine own self be true.
A grounding statement for those who get caught up in the storm of the needs and feelings of others.

 Sometimes,  the demands of other people and our confused expectations of ourselves
-the messages about our responsibilities toward others – can create a tremendous, complicated mess.
We can even convince ourselves that people-pleasing,  going against our nature and not being honest,
is the kind thing to do!
Not true.  Simplify.  Back to basics….what do we need to do to take care of ourselves.
Let go of the confusion.  By honoring and respecting ourselves,  we will be true to those around us,

even if we displease them momentarily.
To thine own self be true.
Simple words describing a powerful task that can put us back on track.”
-Melody Beattie

Thanks for wading through that l-o-n-g dream-speak with me;
I love posting shorts and am heading back that way now,
just needed to let that say itself.
Peace….so much peace in it’s wake.



  1. Barbara on August 21, 2013 at 10:57 pm

    This is so true, Jennifer. I’ve experienced the same feeling, although thank goodness, it never transferred into a nightmare like yours!

  2. Elephant's Child on August 22, 2013 at 1:24 am

    Thank you yet again for expressing some of my biggest fears, and my most thankful realisations. So very well.

  3. Kathy on August 22, 2013 at 5:46 am

    You and I are a lot alike. I get caught up in the false and absorb the needs and pain of others to a fault…and have the nightmare of drowning. Working on it, though, too! Relax into the gentle waves today, Jennifer. Hugs, kath

  4. Michele Bergh on August 22, 2013 at 7:26 am

    Beautifully said. Water in a dream is about emotions…so interesting to read your insights here 🙂

  5. Kimber Britner on August 22, 2013 at 8:12 am

    It’s interesting isn’t it that something so luminous can be so life giving. The two sides of the coin, another picture of neither black nor white, not either, or, but And. Love is life giving, but also can sting and burn! Years ago I released a music CD entitled, Tidal Wave about being swept away by the massive waves of love. I also led a home group called, Surf’s Up! 🙂 It’s exciting to see that we are learning to surf the waves instead of being pulled under by them!

  6. Linda Kinnaman on August 22, 2013 at 8:28 am

    Beautifully said Jennifer. Dreams are so vivid and are teaching us lessons. I especially appreciate the last part about being true to yourself and your own responsibilities. Very helpfor for me right now.

  7. Julia Bourque on August 22, 2013 at 8:31 am

    Recurring and nightmares have much to teach us about our fears in life. If you know what you fear the most and haven’t dealt with it, your dreams can help you recognize that fear.
    I’ve been analysing my dreams for several years now and sometimes it take days to get to the bottom of it. I write as much details about my dream as soon as I wake up and pay attention to my feelings or what preoccupies my mind. Then I journal and little by little it all make sense.
    I sometimes I dream I can fly. There is nothing like it.

  8. Lynn on August 22, 2013 at 9:01 am

    Dreams are fascinating creatures. So much mystery to unravel and such treasure if you can get to the center.
    You used one of my favorite words in this post.
    There’s something about the feel of the word itself. As if the presence, the sound, the sight of it delivers it to you.
    Gonna have to sit with that one today.

  9. kathryn on August 22, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    i had a recurring dream for many, many years where i was being chased…i talked to a channel about it, we went into meditation, she told me to turn around and see who was chasing me…it was my father. after that i never had the dream again!! dreams are pretty amazing things if we listen!

  10. sydney on August 22, 2013 at 2:10 pm


    I have had those same, recurring dream! Then ONE time I saw myself IN the water (not the false and not the waves that scare and threaten me)…but jumping in the high waves as it was the Holy Spirit. FULL of fun & joy. It was AWE-some. Other Christians were in the water with me…but…my uncle remain on the shore and refused to come ‘into the waters.’

    I love this!! I always feel the me-est…..

  11. Wanda on August 22, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    Reading your post reminds me of a book excerpt I read earlier today about discovering the meaning of our dreams

  12. jeanie on August 23, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    How I cherish your remarkable spirit. It inspires me in every way possible.

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