enough to just be….

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I’ve been sick in my head,
a woozy, dopey sinus tantrum so stuffy and poundy
I want to fling myself across my cool bed
and never again turn my big honker upside down
to plant and prune and work the ground.
Yep,  my head feels like an enormous ham
and the rest of me is tired from hauling it around.

I didn’t share my fuzzy thoughts with you last week;
the words got mashed behind my nose
and wouldn’t drip or dribble out either.
I didn’t like that,  I missed you
and still my head still feels  stuffed with
gauze and bristle.

so I scooched back in my blog to some old stuff
and found something I love
from last year around this time
when I was also taking a pounding

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 overheating inside and melting down,
fear shaking me hard
and it so fits because when I get sick I get scared
(does that happen to you, too?)
it’s not cozy like when I taught;
I don’t get a substitute person now.

This is what whispered away the dark:
” wildflowers singing their wisdom from roadways and fields
took me in,
tugging at my trueness
….they know it’s their highest praise
just to be.”

oh yeah.
i tend to forget.

~deep grateful breath
that even tho’ I’m gimpy and undone and one raw mess,
it’s still plenty enough
just to be.

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Peace to you,  friend,  in all of your being.

“It’s the help you receive when you have no bright ideas left,
when you are empty and desperate and have discovered
that your best thinking and most charming charm
have failed you.
Grace is the light or electricity or juice or breeze
that takes you from that isolated place
and puts you where others are as startled and embarrassed
and eventually grateful as you are to be there.”

-Anne Lammott

Comments

  1. Oh Jennifer, you sound miserable with your sinus allergies but still very beautiful and graceful like the flowers of the fields.

    I hope that you will find some relief and feel like yourself soon. The weather has been seriously not feeling well either with all the vengence that it’ spurs upon us and I don’t know what to make of it’s behiavior.

    I’m sending you some hugs and good wishes for feeling better to hold you over till then.
    Big hugs,
    JB

  2. Oh dear friend I feel your pain, really I do…had a three day migraine last week…still feeling puny from it!
    Praying things un stuff as I type this!

    Love that photo of you, beauty inside and out!

    xoxo

  3. oh honey,
    big big hugs to you + healing prayer coming in on flower petals.
    xoxoooooo rachel

  4. “and it so fits because when I get sick I get scared (does that happen to you, too?)”

    YES, it does – so i know just how you feel. praying for healing, peace, and provision for you and your family. may those lilies remind you of His mighty love for beautiful you.

  5. Oh you gorgeous girl! I sooooo relate to your words today, and love the Ann Lammontt quote. When I feel sick, I try and see my well self outside of my sick body. I think “this is just a temporary place I’m in right now”. Sometimes that helps a bit. Thanks so much for your lovely comment on my blog.
    xo
    dulcy

  6. Beautiful – as you are. My nose and my sinuses are also clogged. My head and my eyes both hurt and my nose and my eyes are both dripping. And still the magic of the natural world is a comfort.
    Healing light sent your way. By the bucketload.

  7. Oh, poor you – your sinus problems sound like the most miserable cold ever!! Please don’t hate me, but I’ve never had allergies, but I do see so much more pollen around this year. I do hope you find relief soon. What a shame to have to deal with this during such a beautiful season.
    Your photos are gorgeous and so are you, my friend. Feel better! xo

  8. Oh, hope you are feeling better and able to enjoy all of those beautiful flowers!

  9. Ah! Beautiful you!
    Sending you healing thoughts and thanks for your lovely words.

  10. Oh, dear heart, I can relate — but this one sounds like a doozy. Looking at your very lovely photo at the end, I would either say it must have been taken before or else you are doing much better, because you don’t look ANYTHING like I do when in the throes of sinus madness. It is a bad year for that here, too — and for my asthma and breathing. I have the poem you wrote about not being able to breathe printed out — whenever someone asks me to explain, I show them that. You nailed it.

    SO, I am sending healing wishes that soon you will feel as lovely as your photo and that you will be able to explore all of nature’s beauty firsthand with ease. (And thanks for that Anne Lamott quote — I love her, but didn’t know that one.) Feel better, my friend.

  11. You are soooo beautiful Jen!
    I always wait patiently for your return when you take your little blog breaks,
    And your poetry make it all worth waiting for. 🙂
    Take good care of yourself… sickness is sometimes a sign to slow it down. To b r e a t h e. To cocoon yourself in a warm blanket with hot cocoa…hmm! 🙂 Hope you feel better soon.

    Hugs,
    Lindsay

  12. i think we all tend to forget…thanks for the reminder!!! and by the way…beautiful photo of you!

  13. So nice to see you, my friend! Do get better soon, please.

  14. I signed up for emails from you! Yea! I will never miss another posts just because I can’t blog hop as often anymore. This post was funny- sad- I’m sorry you’re feeling rotten but you look gorgeous. I love your freckles!

  15. Oh, I’m so sorry you’ve been sick. I sure hope you’re feeling better. Your words were just what I needed to hear. Thank you! ” wildflowers singing their wisdom from roadways and fields
    took me in,
    tugging at my trueness
    ….they know it’s their highest praise
    just to be.”

  16. Oh Jenny, I’ve never had sinus problems (knock on wood) but know plenty of people who do. The pain and misery of being so clogged up that you can’t breath has got to be awful. I hope looking at all of your beautiful pictures will help you. Speedy recovery with lot of hugs coming your way. Love to you

  17. Hoping you are feeling better and drinking in the beauty.

  18. Once again, your words cut right through to what is true—-even if your head DOES feel like an enormous ham (made me laugh out loud with that!). Blessings and health to you, precious one!

  19. Just be…

    Yes. Mly prayer for you is that you can just be well.

    Take care, friend.

  20. Well, I see nothing in this lovely woman that looks at all like a ham … it will feel so good when you can take that first deep, unstuffy breath. Hope your weekend is just the start of feeling much better.

  21. I experienced a month of feeling miserable and stuffed up in my head this spring. I had not been bothered with seasonal allergies in so long. Wishing you wellness and being able to breathe easily and deeply once again. xxo

  22. Feeling sick even from allergies is so much worse in warmer weather. Sending you healing thoughts.

  23. Feeling sick even from allergies is so much worse in warmer weather. Sending you healing thoughts.

  24. Your photos and words make ones spirits soar. I really do hope you are feeling better now and yes – it is ok just ‘to be’.x

  25. And peace to you too friend.
    Hope the sniffly, stuffy,heavy pounding
    whatevers
    have taken themselves off
    to where ever
    and you are once again feeling
    like whatever happens
    joy is all there is
    to lift your heart
    and Love is all around.

    Hugs my friend.

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