It was war, barbed and ugly
and I could feel it sharp inside myself,
the fear growing tighter
like a bag across my face
and then came the message from an unlikely angel,
my son’s buddy who wasn’t on this mission
like a care package dropped into my heart
“Petey is okay….I promise”
and how it rolled me like a river of relief
sending a warm rush of dewy peace
trickled soft and easy over my mind
like the game I played when I was young
when they would pretend to crack an egg on my head
and then slowly fingers rippled down light across my hair
and I would feel the tight in my temples relax
into the slow slipping down of soothing balm.
Relief. … like the sweetness as our storm-scared pup
settles and sighs
into her crate
once the thunder quiets down
and the house stops shaking
and so does she
and sleep finds us all at last
Relief…. like when you’re in labor
and the pain is so loud
it’s hard to keep perspective,
then panic hits you like a rogue wave
and begins to swallow you
but your coach helps pull you out
and you ride it together
until you feel the release…..the pressure lifts….the birthing happens
and there is only joy.
My heart is disheveled,
my floors are well-vacuumed,
my body is limp and a little weak
but I’m rolling on this river
of deep long sweet relief.
Heaps of bright warm thanks to anyone and everyone who helped pray
and encourage me
through this gnarly dark-night-of-the-soul experience.
I’m grateful through and through.
It’s just about over, this long deployment.
Feels as if I’ve been holding my breath
for a really long time.
linking up with some of my favorite joy-seers!