all will be well…..

Once I was seven and zooming
on hand-me-down rollerskates
……rocketing down the slight incline of  smooth concrete driveway
and onto the spine-tingling roadway with it’s rough grade jarring my bones
clattering my teeth
and blurring houses and trees with speed

until my feet disengaged from the pavement
and flew skyward, 
the weight of the skates flinging them high and out,
 the  sharp crack to my lower back
 grinding the air from my body with
swift mortar and pestle efficiency.

“Help!  can’t.  breathe”…..I rolled over onto my knees and tried to cough the words out.
Stunned,  I crawled toward my mother who would  pound on my back
and help ease the air back inside.

Such a shock……freedom and flight
and then sudden plunge into pain and suffocation.
It rocked me,  this deliciousness so harshly plundered.

I’m feeling seven and slammed again,
 thoroughly knocked clear of words ,
sprawled on rough pavement waiting,
waiting
for air to find it’s way back inside
and re-fill my caved in places.

It will come
and I’ll catch the kiss heaven blew me
as my eyes caught the sign on the bus
that took my son
“trust”,  it said……and so did his eyes
as he climbed inside
and I’ll breathe it in deep
and let it billow and lift the heaviness
sitting hard on my chest

and

“all will be well
and all shall be well
and all manner of thing shall be well.” 
                     ~Julian of Norwich

Comments

  1. Ah Jen, my heart goes out to your loving momma’s heart. What a wonderful courageous son you have raised. I can’t imagine the weight of love that you are feeling as you waved him goodbye. Saying a prayer for him and your family.

    Hugs of comfort from my heart,
    Lee Ann

  2. Jen, there are so many words i could type, words of encouragement, strength, trust, love, words that speak of the Father’s love and care…and they would all be true…words you know very well…and may ease the pain you are experiencing…but more than that i want to acknowledge your pain, wish i could be there to cry with you, be with you in it…just to sit with you…

    praying for peace, protection, fresh breath to fill your heart and spirit.

    much love to you…

  3. oh mama heart,
    sending you light
    to all your heavy
    + sending you rest
    to all the rest
    XOX

  4. Dear Jennifer, a mother’s love toward her child sometime can encompass so many intense feelings it is hard to describe. I can only relate to the feelings I have for my own grownup son and somehow he’s still my little boy that I want to protect from harm and heart aches. May your journey be filled with hope for your son’s safe return home to fill the empty hole his departure left in your heart. My prayers are with your son and you. Hugs and prayers. Julia

  5. Those places in our heart that gasp for air as we wave so long. May you be filled with Holy Spirit breath as you await his return.

  6. oh sweet friend ..breathless at the photos of your brave son ..virtual hug to one brave mama..all will be well indeed

  7. Jennifer,

    Trust
    your son
    is in the hands
    of the All Mighty Protector.

    My his hands be wrapped around your heart.

    Much Love from my heart to yours
    xoxo

  8. You have a way of expressing every mother’s fear with such honesty and grace. And – yes – the air will re-enter your lungs..and you will breathe. Trust is the hardest thing of all!!!

  9. I am trying to catch my breath just reading this, jennifer. I put myself into your shoes…sandles…and imagine my Andrew saying goodbye to me here…like this…and I must admit I want to pass out. A mother and her son. It’s ferocious, the love is. I think we must then USE this love as the lifeline between us. jennifer, with prayers galore, I hope you can let this strong love keep you UP, hold you UP, allow your son to feel it’s strength whenever he needs to feel it holding him UP, and may you know we are all here pulling for you both. In love, kathy

  10. Your son is a reflection
    of your courageous heart
    big enough
    to go out into the world
    to shore up places
    where hearts have grown cold.

    as mother’s, do we ever get over the bittersweetness
    of truth?

    our wee ones grow up
    to become
    the men and women we imagined
    so long ago

    their flight
    so scary to watch them soar
    and so beautiful

    may your heart carry only Love
    may your soul know only peace.

    Hugs

  11. Feeling for both of you. Praying for peace and trust muscles for you and peace and safety for him!
    I love your beautiful heart!
    Love,
    Joanna

  12. Hugs to you dear Jen! Your words always hit a chord with me. Blessings.

  13. funny how our hearts go where they go….always. no matter how old they are. do you think he felt the weight of you being right there with him. still ?
    i think they always must, even if they don’t want us to know they do…..

    xoxo

  14. oh, so hard to put that trust in other’s hands
    all my best wishes and energies
    for you and your son!

  15. I feel breathless just reading it. I am aching for you – imagining what you must be feeling. These words may not help, but I want to say to you, “God is good.” He is. And, I will life your son up to Him in prayer. And, you. Of course, and you.

  16. Oh, Jennifer how brave you are and how I admire you. Those words filled with pain and anguish and trust. You are so right to trust. Hugs to you and sending you both loving energy 🙂

  17. For months now getting to know you has been such a bright spot in my day. Now my heart is breaking for you. I can not even imagine how hard this was for you. Having three children of my own I have this huge lump in my throat right now after reading your poem.
    Jen I promise to pray for his safe return and for you to find some peace while he is serving our country.
    Please thank him for me and give him my love.
    Sending much love and good thoughts to you my friend
    Maggie

  18. I can’t express myself any better or different than all the previous comments. As above, you are a “bright spot in my day” also, and I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all that’s happening right now. I soooo appreciate you stopping by my blog and leaving such beautiful comments. Also…. this blog is just lovely, and I wish my foot looked as good as yours does right now!
    xoxo
    dulcy

  19. Oh Jen! Such bravery you and your son possess. Him for following his heart into the unknown, and you for sending a huge part of your heart with him.
    I love the words of Julian of Norwich; believe them, friend!
    Sending love and prayers to you and yours.
    XO, Anita

  20. Oh dear, words fail me. As mother of a 24-year-old-son, I can only imagine how difficult it was to watch your son board that bus. (((Hugs)))) to you, and thanks to your son for his service. xoxo

  21. Reaching out a big hug to you right now – the wind would be knocked out of me, too. Thank you and your son for his service and I will be lifting both of you up in my prayers!

  22. looks like you have taught your son well: to love and give back. I know you must be proud. I’m sorry he had to go away and that your trust now must grow an amazing tap root.

Speak Your Mind

*