pregnant pausing….
I’m no good at being pregnant.
By the time I’m about seven months along,
I feel plenty pregnant enough,
eager to get on with labor and delivery
and babylove.
I was wildly eager for my own three children
to hurry on out into my eveready arms,
deciding in secret when they’d arrive
and then holding myself to that date.
When they didn’t arrive “on time”
I became discouraged
and disappointed.
My shortwaisted body and their big babyness
left me feeling overstuffed
and overdue
and irrationally afraid that they’d never
be born
at all
(could mama have control issues?)
Since giving birth to my magnificent kiddos
at exactly the right time,
(weeks later than I thought best)
I’ve carried a few dreams in my heart,
with similar angst and impatience
and seen them bloom
and grow
as well.
That they’ve all arrived safe and healthy
and of sound mind
is nothing short of grace
and lots of it.
Now again I feel ready to pop
with more than I can ask or imagine,
and I find myself anxiously pacing
the halls of my mind
feeling “past due”
and “late”
as if I’ve failed to produce soon enough
and as if embarassment is a rational response
to the rhythms of a season,
of a process.
A bountifully pregnant belly is a beautiful thing.
What if I treat my own heart
to the same gentle wonder
and acceptance.
A wonderful midwife friend of mine
slipped a pearl of wisdom into my overeager hands
about the dream gestating inside of me:
“Nature knows…full term babies are born fleshed out
and breathing on their own;
why would you challenge and rush nature?”
Oye.
why, indeed.
~”I’m guessing it looks probably like a sea monkey right now and we should let it get a little cuter”
~”yes, keep it in the oven.”
-from “Juno”
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| blooming in my etsy |
Oh, Jen, how I'm feeling so pregnant,
waiting for my overdue story to break out into the world.
At the wise (old) age of sixty-five,
time seems to be passing faster than ever.
But I'm determined not to 'rush nature'.
And, actually, this baby of mine will burst forth
at just the right time.
Thanks, Jennifer, for more words of wisdom and beauty.
Thank God dreams don't just burst onto the scene early, there is so much that gets layered in, preparing us and filling out, altering even the dreams form. This is such a powerful post Jen, one all of us identify with on some level and boy do we need to be reminded and encouraged to let nature takes it's full measure. Great stuff!
but oh the waiting is so hard sometimes…
i remember hearing a story about a little boy that tried to help a butterfly out of it's cocoon…the butterfly did not survive…it seems the struggle is needed…
🙂
what a stunning metaphor for the dreams we hold close in our hearts .. as your sweet collage gives us such wise words …hello hope indeed!!
now i am busting
to HEAR
about your dream!!
& i will too
lean into
ms. patience
& enjoy
all the goodies
in front of me
(with your words
& art & heart)
as i too wait.
xoxox
the premature
carry a heavier load
playing catch-up
in hope
there is life
This is such a beautiful metaphor Jennifer! Which of course, speaks right to my heart right now. Such wisdom for me as I grow bigger and bigger. I'm like you, ready to meet this little guy. Come on, already! WHat a sweet, faithful friend you are to me. NOw, I just can't wait to hear about that dream coming out and saying hello to the world. XOXOXO e
Jennifer, what sage advice, to treat our own hearts to gentle wonder and acceptance. Thanks!
Oh, my. You do know how to craft a metaphor. I loved being pregnant. And I love the feeling when I am pregnant with ideas; bursting with life and plans and satisfaction.