~oral surgery :/
For days before,
I lost precious moments
of my present,
sidestepping gnarly old fears
until time and energy
were leaking from my engine
as if I’d struck an iceberg
and I wondered
how to stop the hemorrhaging.Led by Love to the site of the wound
I stuck my head behind the curtain,
peered past smoke and mirrors
and looked directly into
old familiar eyes
…..no longer looking like the great and
but tired and whispy and weak
like a weathered circus add on brittle yellowed newsprint
(only without the charm).
The scratchy soundtrack still blared:
“Be warned. And beware…..what you pray, what you say.
There is no margin for error with God there.
The fragile faith it all hinges on
can be fractured
by a careless slip of the tongue
or the lifeless prayers and dangerous words
of unbelieving ones
with their deadly sympathies and unwashed comfort
so work it alone, girl,
and be strong.”
Once upon a nightmare this sideshow seemed real
to parts of me unsoothed by love and so,
torn by the jagged edges and dull blades of doctrine
turned inside out
my soul froze up tight
and followed those yellowed bricks
until their weight was all I felt.
Like mold in the dank, dark closed-off-ness
where secret terrors hide
it grew the anxiety I was feeling now
in the cellar of my soul.
Now standing in the musty stink
with Love’s disinfecting light
and sweet wild air blowing fresh through open doors
I let the poison out.
And so undrugged by fearful things
I lay my head in surgeon’s chair
wrapped in buoyant breezes of love and prayers
and fresh sounds rising from my basement,
the sweet joyful sighs of amazing grace.