Sweet sound rising..

love healsI had surgery Monday
~oral surgery :/
For days before,
I lost precious moments
of my present,
sidestepping gnarly old fears
until time and energy
were leaking from my engine
as if I’d struck an iceberg
and I wondered
how to stop the hemorrhaging.Led by Love to the site of the wound
I stuck my head behind the curtain,
peered past smoke and mirrors
and looked directly into
old familiar eyes

…..no longer looking like the great and
powerful Oz
but tired and whispy and weak
like a weathered circus add on brittle yellowed newsprint
(only without the charm).

The scratchy soundtrack still blared:
“Be warned. And beware…..what you pray, what you say.
There is no margin for error with God there.
The fragile faith it all hinges on
can be fractured
by a careless slip of the tongue
or the lifeless prayers and dangerous words
of unbelieving ones
with their deadly sympathies and unwashed comfort
so work it alone, girl,
and be strong.”

Once upon a nightmare this sideshow seemed real
to parts of me unsoothed by love and so,
torn by the jagged edges and dull blades of doctrine
turned inside out
my soul froze up tight
and followed those yellowed bricks
until their weight was all I felt.

Like mold in the dank, dark closed-off-ness
where secret terrors hide
it grew the anxiety I was feeling now
in the cellar of my soul.

Now standing in the musty stink
with Love’s disinfecting light
and sweet wild air blowing fresh through open doors
I let the poison out.

And so undrugged by fearful things
I lay my head in surgeon’s chair
wrapped in buoyant breezes of love and prayers
and fresh sounds rising from my basement,
the sweet joyful sighs of amazing grace.



  1. Erin Butson on September 23, 2010 at 5:52 am

    Jennifer, you are so gifted at expressing + illustrating your experience. Hope you are feeling better.

  2. Just Be Real on September 23, 2010 at 10:28 am

    Awwww dear Jen…… Praying for a quick healing to you. Any kind of surgery is not fun! I give you A BIG ((((((JEN))))))

  3. Mary on September 23, 2010 at 11:46 am

    brilliant!!! the way your mind works, the way you put thoughts and words together amaze me. what a precious gift God gave you. i am so blessed you share it with us.

    yes, love does heal…..


  4. rachel awes on September 23, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    please forgive me
    for my rush…
    w/juggling lots of
    colorful balls
    in the last hours.
    know this.
    i am praying
    for your
    healing recovery
    & giant comfort.
    i hope you can feel
    my hug.

  5. Bren on September 23, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Now I know for sure we are kindred spirits! You are writing my story, for I've heard the same voices, faced the same crazy making belief and got out from under by his Grace, through his Grace, saturated in his Love.

  6. Anonymous on September 23, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    O My O MY O MY!! Thank you for penning down your heart and life journey for us, Jennifer! You are helping light our way as you have kindly placed your lamp on a stand where all the "inmates" in the house can see their way to freedom! For the doors and chains are already unlocked and we are not the prisoners we thought we were! Isn't that what God intended each of us to be for each other and a lost world?
    I Love You!
    Gwen L.<3

  7. PaperPumpkin on September 23, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    Hope you are feeling better!♥ Kath

  8. Hindsfeet on September 24, 2010 at 2:39 am

    "Love's disinfecting light"

    Oh Jennifer………thank you for this visual tonight….

    What a precious dear gift you are…

  9. S. Etole on September 25, 2010 at 12:57 am

    your writing is delightful and so very descriptive …

  10. Relyn on September 26, 2010 at 11:56 pm

    And you are well? And fine? And good?

    Please say yes.

    Sending prayers for your quick healing.

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