Wade in the water…..

purple passion

Trouble is smashing against the hull
of my little boat
and washing over the deck
like storm breakers at high tide.
The bobbles in this ride
have become a rollercoaster ruckus
and my stomach is queasy
with commotion.

I want to bail out,
to hurl myself onto a bridge
over these troubled waters
and head for shore and shelter
to hide my soul from the pounding.

And yet….

What if this water is stirred to trouble my chains
where I’m enslaved
by worn out beliefs and stale fears
that shush me into polite paralysis.
What if it’s churning with longing
to break me loose from my moorings
and set my heart out to sea…..wild, weightless and free

From within the shrieking winds comes a low humming
that offends and defies my survival instincts.
“Wade in the water
God’s gonna trouble the water.”

My head tilts.
And yet…..it’s there
like a soft warm breath in a hurricane.

And so I wade on into the waters
And “crack!” goes the heart,
trouble chipping away at the hardness,
scouring the rough edges smooth
and polishing the bits like sea glass.

(Wouldn’t it be cool if I could finish this piece with a beautiful bit about some lovely mosaic being crafted from all the polished pieces of me. Can’t. I’m still undone. All I know is that I’m all in….I choose this process and, like me, it’s unfinished.)

 

Comments

  1. Erin Butson says

    Oh, Jennifer, This is such a beautiful, painful picture. and so familiar. You've really captured what it's like to be broken and put back together by our God… and you still choose to wade! hang in there. we are pulling for you.

  2. 'it's there
    like a soft warm breath in a hurricane…' Wonderful image. I truly wish you well in your hopeful process of recovery and discovery.

  3. rachel awes says

    oh jennifer, how i love the humming voice.
    what choice do you have but to wade?
    it does seem against all reason.
    but you & i both know,
    dear friend,
    that THIS
    is the only reason
    that really matters
    to us.
    i send
    loads of love
    to you
    feeling
    ALIVE!
    xoxox

  4. Your words come from deep in your heart and I have to reread them to get the full impact of what they are saying…but once reread I start to see a picture and I know that our hearts connect on some level with a common call to be set free….No, we are not finished but isn't the journey exciting…..

    Your writing blows me away and makes me think in a way I won't often allow myself…thanks for prodding me out of my comfort zone…..You're a treasure…..

  5. PaperPumpkin says

    Too often we do not have a choice but to wade…and the trouble can become deep and overwhelming, my dear friend…but then, it always, somehow, gets better. After a year of treading water and thinking I may be lost, I waded to shore. What a healing summer. Now, it's your turn. You are strong and perseverant. Keep going for you will never be alone. Hugs, Kathy

  6. Those "worn out beliefs and stale fears" are called Limiting Beliefs in the coaching world. Very few people have the courage to really examine theirs closely. Because it does just what you've expressed…rock the boat. X0

  7. An amazing thing to put ourselves in the hands of a God that will not rest till we are transformed!!

    So brave of you…..sometimes we shrink back……but the reality is there is no real life without doing so……only the false……

    I have some wading to do…..

  8. worn out beliefs and stale fears'…golly girl you do know how to write with visual power. Love it! and the whole idea of us being unfinished mosaics, that my friend is an image worth capturing!

  9. Oh my gosh – talking about cracking open! Your way with words and your raw honesty just wows me. I am wading with you, sister…treading water some days. But on others, I have enough willpower to splash back at the tide, give it a piece of my mind. I love how you've reframed "trouble" for me. Reminding me that it is God's doing, not as a punishment or cruelty but as a favor. You are brilliant.

  10. Sharron Leaf says

    From living on a ship for 14 months, I relate to every word you are writing. We must let go of the fears, one by one, and reach out to new horizons. I love the way you describe our emotions…so raw, yet very empowering. Love you, girlfriend!

  11. All in is all He asks.

  12. Oh I cannot wait to see that finished mosaic with the beautiful and precious pieces of Jennifer adorning it! But for now I am so moved and grateful that I can listen in and watch how this journey unfolds. As it's unfolding I am seeing little bits of myself too and becoming BRAVER. All because one rare jewel named JENNIFER cared enough to share her brightness, with the chipped up corners and all, to the rest of us.

    THANK YOU !!!
    Would you like a friend on that boat?
    ♥Lee Ann

  13. Jennifer… all I can think to say, is that I really, really got so much from this post today. It's like it was written especially for me. "Polite Paralysis" is such a poignant phrase…. I will have to write that down and carry it with me.

    xo
    dulcy

  14. "I'm still undone …"

    Yes, me too. And your words are so descriptively wonderful.

  15. undone yet becoming yourself. As we are being the sculpture as well as the sculptor, it isnt easy at all. Love from my heart to yours.

  16. incredible perspective of the stormy waters we seem to share……..

    …..wishing us both freedom…..

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