Pancakes, partings and a seasons passing
I’m making lots of pancakes these days. In just two weeks my daughter will pack up her jeep and set out on a solo adventure across country to her
new zip code…..in California. I’m cheering wildly for my brave girl but my “letting go” muscles are really feeling the burn. (Sniff) I’m walking that fine line between heartburst nurturning and not-so-helpful hovering like it’s a tight rope across
Niagara Falls. I want to let go well.
Four days after she leaves, my oldest son will fly to California aboard a military transport plane with his National Guard unit to help rebuild roads on a Native American reservation. He’ll return home in time to head back to NCSU to try and finish his degree before he is deployed to Afghanistan. I’m proud of him and grateful for his heart to serve. But is this garden ever changing!
It’s that time….my once cozy garden needs to stretch out and grow. No gentle tugging at the soil now; today it is under renovation. Shovels and pic axes are heaved into the ground, breaking up clay and excavating rocks and roots. Here I played with my children…..watched their bright faces open to the wonder of the universe. Piles of debris litter the dreaming spot where we once spent lazy summer hours together on our backs watching cloud formations and shooting stars.
I grieve the season’s passing and let the sadness roll down my cheeks like my salty tears sliding into pancake batter. My heart aches and opens to the coming season and the beauty it will bring. It’s time for them to launch into the wild….and so I release and let go.
Change is hard. And messy. And so, so good……..blueberry pancake good.
Jennifer, Such a hard season in life…so many changes. I remember the feelings when my kids moved on without me. Your mother's heart will survive!! Praying the seeds you planted in them will blossom into something beautiful as they go forward.
I so hear your heart Jennifer! My daughters moved on over 6 years ago now, but I remember that bittersweet time well. I only met you in blog land a couple of weeks ago, but I can tell that you have been and are an awesome person and mom! It sounds like you have raised some very great, responsible and caring children, who are following in their momma's brave footsteps.
With you in heart and wish I could have some of those pancakes!
yes to that last line especially … all mixed together …
Isn't it strange? The way we can have a heart bursting with pride and breaking into pieces both at the same time?