truth in the tremble…..

blog wintergarten
Stuff is just exactly
as broken
and shaky
and gimpy
as it is,
but hardly hopeless,
oddly beautiful even,
in the coming undone

so I’m gonna re-think the tremble
and not crumple up small
and slide down under
the coming up short,
trying to fix the wobble
and make it seem smooth
so the flaws don’t show;

bloggy thing

’cause even though it may stop the squeak and shudder
when I flatten out low,
I wasn’t born to be the wedge
beneath these shaky table legs
so maybe we’ve got something here
that isn’t quite real.

Let's find another,  truer way
because I don't want to spend another day
 feeling homesick
 for me.
blog ice
(serving this up again because I've had our voices on my heart)
"...the issue of 'stay small, sweet, quiet and modest' sounds
like an outdated problem,  but the truth is that women
still run into those demands whenever
we find and use our voices."
-Brene' Brown

 

of monsters and mercy and me….

DSC00196editededited
I’ve dreamed it since I was young,  this recurring fright:
I’m at the beach with my family when suddenly I’m standing on bare sand
that is sloping madly toward the sea
and a monstrous black wave is towering over me….towering…..and I’ve no time,  not a second,  to run.
And I don’t know how I got there….the waves were lovely and friendly
when suddenly a dark dinosaur of water is curling menacing overhead

Wherever I am is suddenly freakishly not a safe place to be and my mind reels….how did I get here?
I think, to survive,  I should’ve dived through the wave into sanctuary but it’s come on too fast,  too  big
and I’m standing exposed on bare sand.

If I’m in the cottage,  the nightmare wave smashes over the roof while I watch through the windows,
horrified,  as the dark of the deep envelops us and I fear the house will splinter.

I always wake up shaken before the wave touches me
…..never  taste it’s salt or feel it’s sweeping power crush me.

I’ve wondered most my life what it means,  if anything,  this dream.

Last week I walked along the shore,  my feet knee deep in rushing tide and it settled sweet to spirit,   what a water girl I am,
how I always feel the me-est when I’m weightless in the waves,  floating free,
wallowing in the lift of  salt and  sea.
I watched the dark waves rolling in and suddenly,  as if splashed,  I know the wave that’s haunted me.
It’s name is “false” and it threatens
when I get washed up high and dry from the truth of me,
jostled and churned until I’m beached
like a fish out of water….. with false responsibility
but I can stop and wake up and shake myself free

Because the false never takes me,  never crushes out my life,
there’s mercy more and  always enough  to wake me up to the light,
to  tweak my course and find my bearings and go back to simply be,
otter-ly real and true to me.

“To thine own self be true.
A grounding statement for those who get caught up in the storm of the needs and feelings of others.

 Sometimes,  the demands of other people and our confused expectations of ourselves
-the messages about our responsibilities toward others – can create a tremendous, complicated mess.
We can even convince ourselves that people-pleasing,  going against our nature and not being honest,
is the kind thing to do!
Not true.  Simplify.  Back to basics….what do we need to do to take care of ourselves.
Let go of the confusion.  By honoring and respecting ourselves,  we will be true to those around us,

even if we displease them momentarily.
To thine own self be true.
Simple words describing a powerful task that can put us back on track.”
-Melody Beattie

Thanks for wading through that l-o-n-g dream-speak with me;
I love posting shorts and am heading back that way now,
just needed to let that say itself.
Peace….so much peace in it’s wake.

.