whisper in a crowd…..

now
I keep showing up,
carving out space and time
to rest my eyes on sky
while the sun shimmers low on the horizon,
suspended like a breath
and then exhales into the night,

keep being wowed by how quickly it happens,
how easy to slip right by
if I do just this one thing first,
like a whisper in a crowd,
I could miss it in the scurry
because life is sweeping past
and if you don’t kneel down and put your hand into the river
you may not recognize.

now 2

And I have sometimes drawn back from the living
because I feel so much,
sometimes feel it all too much
and the pain can make me flinch and close up tight inside
for just a while
and as I watch all these ordinary little whiles
fill up with so much I wouldn’t want to miss,
bits I’ve mostly missed my whole life long,
it shakes me awake to the choices I hold

and as each day I walk home
rubbing sunspots from my eyes
I feel stronger in the showing up,
as if all of this light is infusing my choosing
as these days,  they quickly go by.

now 4

“Time keeps on slippin,  slippin,  slipping  into the future….”
-Steve Miller

So I wrote this last September…..the words didn’t find me this crazy-busy week
(my little gardening business is at it’s busy season peak and I’m tired and smell of ben gay)
But it holds truer still today, this piece,  and I wanted to serve it up fresh
with love
because I’d miss you too much if I didn’t come around at all.  Big hugs all around.

waterbreak winter…

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I’ll remember this winter
when I’m old  I believe,
will remember the changing tide and slow receding
of the rattle and roar of my own striving,
as  surrender threw open some windows
to waves I never saw coming
and in a feeling kind of way I heard it,
the deep down sound of my water breaking
and the building rumble of a tugging squeeze
giving birth to changing season in me

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It’s been a soft time in a hard place
and I’m riding the  contractions,
sometimes scary fierce and others playful wild
and resting when the swells are glassy,
trusting the Love that holds the  sea,
and yielding vulnerable as it’s shifting me.

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And I won’t shut myself to winter till she’s done,
won’t shoo and hurry her dormant way,
won’t despise it how she slows and stills
until her work is yes in me.

I’ll remember this one when I’m old,
and smile grateful tears for the pressure that’s making
some prints on my life
that I wouldn’t have wanted to miss.
Deeper in love with the oceans that hold me,
I’m coming alive to my heart.

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“The woman had laughed the hard times
into wine.”
-Ann Voskamp

Hey friend,  I wrestled a bit over this….whether to just post these images and write down some sweet stuff about winter and how it’s still pretty
and almost over and just hang on
or
whether to dive into the deep end of what I’ve been living
and splash around and try to put together words that make sense of it.
I dove.
Hope it doesn’t give you a headache:)

stronger in the showing up….

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I keep showing up,
carving out the space and time
to rest my eyes on the sky
while the sun shimmers low on the horizon,
suspended like a breath,
then exhales into the night,

DSC00335editededited

keep being wowed by how quickly it happens,
how easy to  slip right by
if I just did this one more thing quick first;
like a whisper in a crowded room
I could miss  it in the scurry
because life is sweeping past
and if you don’t kneel down and put your hand into the river
you may not recognize.

DSC01043editededited

And I have sometimes drawn back from the living
because I feel so much,
sometimes feel it all too much,
and the pain can make me flinch and close down and curl up tight inside
for just a little while
and as  I watch all these ordinary little whiles fill up
with so much that I wouldn’t want to miss,
bits I’ve mostly missed my whole life long,
it shakes me awake to the choices I hold

DSC01028editededited

and as each evening I walk back to my car
rubbing the  sunspots from my eyes so I can drive home,
I feel stronger in the showing up,
as if all of this light is infusing my choosing
as these days, they quickly go by.

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“You can change or stay the same.
There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or worst of it. I hope you make the best of it.  I hope you see things that startle you.  I hope you feel things you’ve never felt before.
I hope you meet people with a different point of view.  I hope you live a life you’re proud of.  If you find that you’re not,  I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”
-Eric Roth,
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay