Holding space for mystery….

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Sometimes words fall,  scrambled,  at the feet of one you’d hoped would hear,
scattered like tiny stones,
so that instead of understanding and connection,
you hold your story alone.
In reaching out to try and build something real,
to find and clear where wires crossed,
sometimes relationship is restored;
sometimes you must grieve what is lost.

These are hurts we’ve all wrestled and known,
feeling shut out from a place that once felt like home

And it trembles so hard,  the possible loss,
that I’ve often rushed the process and betrayed my own heart.
I want to unlearn those hurried ways
to be sanctuary and shelter and my own safe space.

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Because what if we don’t need to know right now,
what if un-knowing is a safe place to be,
that sometimes mystery is the most honest space we can hold.

Being misunderstood is not fatal to our joy.

Once I accept that my words have not been understood,
that their spirit may never be heard,
I can begin to forgive
and in forgiving,  to heal.

In forgiving  I gain a soft and open space
where my soul clamped down tight with wound before.

When your heart stops thrashing to be heard,
it gets freed to sing more songs.

Sing them fearless,  friend.
Love will always sing along.

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Thanks for coming around,  even in my messy-in-the-middle times.
Right now it’s where I am.
I love that there is beauty even in struggle.  And I want to keep it real.

Been swimming in The Book of Forgiveness by Desmond Tutu.
Healing waters.  A masterpiece.  Every line artful and alive.

“We do not heal in isolation.
When we reach out and connect with one another –
when we tell the story,  name the hurt,  grant forgiveness,
and renew or release the relationship – our suffering begins to transform.”
– Desmond Tutu

Comments

  1. Wow, how I can relate to ” when my words comes back unopened and stamped “denied” I need to read Desmond Tutu’s, The Book of Forgiveness. The blaming of someone else for our pain and misery, the hurt and past wrongs we still hold on to that doesn’t serves us anymore, forgiveness is really a good tool to use to get rid of it.
    Thanks for this Jennifer.
    Hugs,
    JB

    • jennifer says:

      I’ve been listening on Audible. I love it because he is reading and his voice is music.
      It’s a really wonderful listen. Yes, forgiveness is a tool I need to hone and use more frequently.
      Thanks for your kind visit,
      Jennifer
      jennifer recently posted…Holding space for mystery….My Profile

  2. Heartfelt hugs.
    And the very first person we should reach out to, and connect with, is ousrelves. The self we sometimes hid because she is not big enough (or too big) and doesn’t fit thw world. And the self who sometimes hides because she is not enough. Or too much.
    And both selves are enough. More than. And valuable.

    • jennifer says:

      So good and so true, Sue. And often the very last person I think of. Learning.
      More than enough. Becoming true to ourselves is such a journey and a beauty.
      Thanks for coming along for the ride,
      Jennifer
      jennifer recently posted…Holding space for mystery….My Profile

  3. …what if unknowing is a safe place to be…
    Now THAT is freeing. Wow. Jennifer, all I can say is Thank you for sharing, writing… I love that you are here with me for this mysterious, beautiful ride! K

    • jennifer says:

      The mysterious, beautiful ride, indeed:)
      I love that perspective. Mystery is something to embrace, isn’t it.
      I come from so much need-to-know.
      It IS freeing!
      Thanks for riding along, friend,
      Jennifer
      jennifer recently posted…Holding space for mystery….My Profile

  4. “I’ve often rushed the process and betrayed my own heart.” What wise words you share — these and all in this beautiful, thought-provoking post that takes us on our own journeys through challenge, forgiveness and the struggle of life. I wish you peace, courage and love as you go on your road trip through the complicated days of life.

    • jennifer says:

      Thanks, Jeanie:) Road tripping with the windows rolled down and the radio up high:)
      Sometimes these days I just enjoy the quiet.
      Thanks for popping in to ride along for awhile, friend,
      Jennifer
      jennifer recently posted…Holding space for mystery….My Profile

  5. So much of this I can relate to with my own struggles of forgiveness…but these words reach deep down…”Once I accept that my words have not been understood, that their spirit may never be heard, I can begin to forgive and in forgiving, to heal. Sending you a big virtual hug…xoxo

  6. I have been going through something like this myself for a few years, Jennifer. It is very true that it doesn’t need to be rushed, that un-knowing can be a safe place to be, still fragrant with hope. Prayers for you in your messy-in-the-middle times! Thank you again for your words so full of truth and peace and love.

    • jennifer says:

      Still fragrant with hope.
      yes. and lighter with every step into forgiveness.
      It’s sweet what forgiving does to the heavy places, isn’t it.
      Such a relief.
      Thanks for coming by and sharing, Barbara,
      Jennifer
      jennifer recently posted…Holding space for mystery….My Profile

  7. beautiful truth line by line

  8. Thank you for reaching out and connecting … your words always touch my heart and soul in a fierce way ~ xoxo

  9. So much in the weightiness of this!!!❤️

  10. Thanks for reaching out as you heal…..you heal us too with these most beautiful words.

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